Tips for the Tipsy: An Etiquette Guide for Drunken Idiots

What should you do if you've had one too many? How do you keep from being the butt of office lore? How do you drink and have fun without looking like a total moron?

Here's how to get it right:

1. No Dancing

We know --you're really feeling the groove in your tipsy state. And at the moment, it's tempting to think that you should share your dancing talents with the world. But guess what, Jack? You need to get as far away from the dance floor as possible!

Just remember,there's nothing cute about doing the Macarena in public, no matter how festive the occasion. It's 2008, for heavens' sake.So do the world a favor, and put away your dancing shoes until you've sobered up.

2. Suppress Your Creativity

So let's sayyou have a few too many cosmopolitans and you're feeling really creative. Perhaps you realize that if you took off your top andwrapped it around your head like a turban, you could start granting people wishes and addressing perfect strangers as "master".

Well, just because you could, doesn't mean you should.In fact, we're pretty sure that following your creative urges willonly serve to make you look ridiculous. Sotake our advice, and suppress all creative urges until you can pass the straight-line test.

3. Get a Babysitter

As soon as you realize you're one tequila past the point of reason, it's time to find a babysitter -- someone to make sure you don't tell perfect strangers how much they look like your kindergarten teacher, except for that distracting mole on their nose.

When picking someone to act as your babysitter, the rules are simple. #1 -- Don't pick that anonymous hottie you just went to second base with. #2 -- Pick someone who's not as drunk as you are.

4. Stick With Your Friends

Maybe two beers ago, it might have been "outgoing"to make new friends. Now, you'll probably just look obnoxious.

Remember that dandruff commercial, "You never get a second chance to make a first impression?" Well, it's true and it especially applies to you. So stick with your friends until you sober up a bit.

5. Go Home, Drunkie!

And finally -- the best way not to look like a drunken moron in public: Go home. (To your own bed. Trust us on this one.)

Remember to use some common sense here, and double-check everything before you relax into bed. Ask yourself: "Are these my sheets? Is that my dog?" Only if you can answer an unequivocal yes to both, should you sink into that delicious, drunken sleep.

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So always remember --there's a difference between having a good time and being a drunken idiot.If you follow these rules, we're sure you'll never unexpectedly wind up on YouTube. (And if you knowa fewdrunken idiots, pass these guidelines on to them -- it's never too late to learn!)